So ... there's been a Disney meme going around the 'net that kinda cracks me up:
Yeah. Disney gave me unrealistic expectations about boys. I mean, they've all got perfect hair, and shmexy singing voices, and they swing in at the last minute to save the damsel in distress. *le siiiighhhh* who could ask for more?!
But actually ... I've been thinking about this lately, and I've come to the realization that, no: my DAD gave me unrealistic expectations about boys. Yeah, Disney, you just didn't have enough of an impact on my life.
But for realsies, I've been thinking about Disney Princes, and how every girl wants to be a Disney Princess so they can come have a Disney Prince arrive and sweep them off their feet, and how I totally don't fit into that category (unfortunately, for all those guys out there who think a sweet word and an intense stare will make me swoon).
No, instead, this is what my dad taught me to expect in a boy who wants to date me:
- he must challenge me. All my life, I've struggled against maths and sciences, and, at many points, just wanted to take the crappy grade, but only because I didn't want to do the work. It was classes like these that my dad would take it upon himself to tutor me, to make sure I didn't become complacent and I didn't just take the passing grade, but reached for the good grade that was a possibility. And this tutoring wasn't necessarily in something my dad would know; in high school he would take my Honors Chemistry book and reteach himself things he hadn't learned for at least 35 or 40 years. If anything, his decision to relearn all the stuff just to make sure I knew it just proved that I, as a younger person at a more student-oriented time in my life, had the ability to learn these complex and really befuddling concepts if only I allowed myself to be challenged and put myself to the task.
- he must allow himself to be challenged. If there's anything my dad has taught me, it's to be strong. Not necessarily physically strong, but to have opinions and really understand them and stand by them. I'm not gonna say I'm an immovable rock on issues or anything (haha, I think I know people who will disagree with me on that), but I have strong opinions and I probably won't change them just because someone challenges me. I learned that from my daddy. In fact, I'll probably challenge a lot of notions about gender stereotypes or body types or just being true to myself. I tend to do that. It gets abrasive. So, inevitably, a guy who doesn't inspire interesting conversation or doesn't stand up for himself just won't cut it. Strength of opinion and power of logical thought show depth of knowledge and depth of interest in what you believe. Just don't be surprised when I challenge you. ^_^
- he must never stop learning. In the vein of the first bullet, my dad never stops learning ... or, well re-learning in the case of the Chemistry class. But, more recently, he tried to pick up Spanish, which is pretty cool, considering he already knows English and Chinese, and he's almost officially a senior citizen. Considering all those studies that say learning a new language is almost impossible after childhood, Go Dad! Essentially, there must be a love for learning ... learning about the world, learning about himself, learning about something that catches his interest.
- he must love me unconditionally. If there's one thing that my dad does every day, it's that he loves me unconditionally. When I'm going completely nuts, he loves me. When I'm happy as a bird, he loves me. When he's mad at me, he loves me. It doesn't matter what's going on; my dad loves me. I know, it comes with the territory of being a daughter, but he loves my mom unconditionally too. It's that kind of dedication that makes a marriage work for 30+ years and through two kids. I know there have been hard times, difficult times, times when they don't get along or disagree on something, but at the end of the day, my dad loves my mom (and vice versa, but this thing is specifically about my dad. Sorry Mom! ^_^), and never stops. It's honestly a source of pride to me when I get to tell my friends that my parents have the Up love story going on (not in that the wife dies, but in how unconditionally Carl loves her, even after she's gone, God forbid that happens soon to my parents). If there was a male incarnation of God's unconditional love in my life, it'd be the love my dad gives me.
- he must allow me to stand on my own. I'm sure both my parents had a heart attack when I was a little 16-year-old applying to college and I decided that I wanted to be an animation major. I'm pretty sure I'm still causing an aneurysm to my parents while they worry about me and my future in the animation industry. Yet, they support me and allow me stand on my own. My mom's always been more vocal about it, considering she's always the one saying: "do what you love, do what you are actually interested in." But sometimes, it almost feels like it takes more gumption to just let me do it. My dad implicitly trusts me and understands that I, as a young person with a lot of growing to do, will make mistakes, but that makes it ever more important to let me stand on my own and make those mistakes, as much as it might suck in the future.
- he must accept me as who I am. In the vein of the previous bullet, I do kinda try my best to make my own way sometimes in my worldly persona. In terms of personality, I'm kind of a nut. (Literally: cracked. Haha, had to make that joke.) I'm into all sorts of strange, dorky, geeky, nerd things, but my dad doesn't care. I come home, and I'm just his daughter. I'll sit on the couch and eat pork and squid and we'll watch History Channel documentaries together.
- he must encourage positive change. On the flip side, if I know there is something I want to improve about myself, I expect him to be behind me 100%. In terms of self-betterment, or learning new things, or just getting out there in the world, my dad has never wavered in his support of whatever it ends up being that I want to do. Since I expect him to challenge me, I expect him to want me to always be reaching to be a better person. It's one of those things where my parents would ask me at dinner: "don't answer if you don't want to, but did you try your hardest? If you feel that you did, there is no shame in a grade that you worked hard for. If you didn't, work harder next time." In other words, my dad is an encouragement, not a downer.
- he must have faith. Yeah, I mean, I was raised Catholic and my parents are definitely the reason that I am Catholic, but I don't necessarily need a guy to be Catholic; he just needs to have faith of some sort. What my dad has taught me is that faith is a touchstone. He's a lot less showy about his relationship with faith than my mom, but, again, quiet faith is enough for me. It's a personal decision how you show your faith; it matters more how you live it. He gets up every morning and meditates on this image of Calgary that we have in our house. It's one of those things that no one really ever sees, but does happy. My room is down the hall from the big hall light, so if I'm rolled onto the wrong side of the bed, sometimes I get a light on my face at four in the morning when my dad starts his daily meditation. But that's what you need: a reason to get up in the morning and a quiet moment to remember what you are thankful for.
- he must expect equality. That's how things were always split in my house growing up, at least chore wise. If Mom cooked dinner, Dad did the dishes. When Mom BBQ'd, Dad cleaned the BBQ. Mom did all the sewing and tailoring in the house, so Dad did the laundry. Mom kept the garden nice, and Dad maintained the cars. There's always been a great respect, and therefore equality, between my parents. It's never about doing something so one person "owes" the other; it's about knowing that love and respect mean that you will always do what's in the best interest of the other person or both of you.
Anybody else intimidated by the unrealistic expectations my Dad gave me about boys? =D
So yeah, those are all the things that my dad taught me to expect from boys, because those are all the things he exemplifies himself, as the Man of the Yee House. So thanks, Daddy, for being a great man and role model, and loving me unconditionally even when I'm in tears and yelling at the world (or you and mom) in anger. You are the rock in our house, the stability and the foundation to how our entire family has grown. Disney boys ain't got nothing on you! ^_^
Love you!! Happy Father's Day!
--Tiffany
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