The Part With Scary Movies All Around!

Haven't done a photo-thing since before Father's Day. ... I really meant to keep a better schedule of updates, after three days in a row, but obviously I failed. Oh well. Here goes again.

June 16, 2013. Caught this on the way to mass on Father's Day. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY again, Dad!

June 17, 2013. Now that the Westwood Recreation Center's official Tai Chi class is over, the class is meeting up unofficially at the park. E agreed to pick me after the meet up was over, and then we went to get Sprinkles and life was good. Took this while I was waiting for her to come get me

June 18, 2013. Teaching myself CSS! And then ... this happens. Hahaha! The official "assignment" on the website was to build a website resume, which I did, and then got bored with, so I undid it and made a TARDIS, complete with ... well, everything. That's a bit of the code that I used to make it. I'm sure there's a quicker way to code a TARDIS, but seeing as I'm a beginner, that was it! It (Coding) is super fun, and it makes me feel a little bit like a super genius, so who am I to complain??

June 19, 2013. Been takin' a lot of pictures of E, and so I decided to include myself in this one. ROOMATESELFIEPARTYYYYYYY. Yeah, that's a great face. So is that double chin. #wesocool?

June 20, 2013. Surprise Skype date with mai Errrika! Congrats to you, little lady, gettin' into Amate like the boss you are! I'm so proud ^_^

June 21, 2013. It was E's last day on Frozen, and, somehow, I woke up a fair amount earlier than I usually do, so I got up and hung out with her as she got ready for the day. They've been doing "Braid Fridays" because a number of characters in Frozen have braids, so I did a nice and epic braided-bun updo for E and she made me coffee, and the morning was wonderful ^_^ This is her french press, as I'm waiting for my coffee to stew. It was pretty delicious coffee,

June 22, 2013. Went on an epic hike adventure with Caitl, and Holson, and J.Rob, and Chloe. Chloe and I were a little late on the getting to the look out because she got a little sick, but that meant that I got this nifty shot of Holson and J.Rob. Look at that view! It was a gorgeous hike!

June 23, 2013. Birdie birdie, up on the line...

June 24, 2013. So when E and I moved into our apartment last September, we both bought potted flowers from Ralphs. I promptly killed mine (which is a shame, cause I actually really liked my mini rose bush!), probably by overwatering it, and it seemed like E killed hers too (it's an orchid, if you couldn't tell) because it quickly shriveled too. She left it over by the sink, and we both kept meaning to possibly throw it out, and then ...  it blossomed. And then bloomed.

Yeah, we have zombie plant. 'Pologies, Los Angeles, but if the zombie apocalypse originates from West LA, it was probably us and our zombie orchid. Our bad!

As for the rest of the day, I've just been doing a little previs stuff for my professor. Watched the Avengers and a few episodes of Sherlock. Gonna go watch World War Z tonight with an old coworker, and I'm currently watching Promethus because ... if I'm gonna be shit terrified of zombies tonight, I might as well get shit terrified ahead of time by watching a Ridley Scott movie. Yup. Good decisions all around. Haha!

Anyways, that's pretty much it. My mum's birthday is tomorrow, so happy birthday in advance to her!

--Tiffany

The Part About Beauty and the Beast

Well, those of you who know my dating status as of the past week know that there have been an ... *ahem* interesting slew of men that I have been talking to. Part of it is definitely the fact that I reactivated my OkCupid account, and then the other part is just ... stupidity. Well, not really, but whatever. This post isn't about boys and their pick-up attempts. That's sort of just the set-up part 1.

Set-up part 2: I recently read a really brilliant article titled The Stupidity of Natural Beauty by Kate Fridkis. Part of why it's so awesome is because it's on a site called Eat the Damn Cake, and that is pretty much the best name for a blog ever. But it's a site about body image, and respecting yourself despite society, and basically focuses on all the things about positive body image that I love. So cool!

But this part really stuck out to me, concerning the topic of natural beauty:

      "... We praise people for being “naturally” smart, too, “naturally” athletic, and etc. But studies continue to show, as they have for some time now, that it is generally healthier to praise schoolchildren for being hardworking, than for being naturally gifted. We know now that to emphasize a child’s inherent ability places pressure on that child to continue to be accidentally talented, which is something that is hard for anyone to control."

I bolded the part that I thought was particularly worthy of mention. I mean, of course it all comes down to syntax and how a word is interpreted, but Ms. Fridkis has a point. Honestly, it's up to the genes of your parents if your face is going to be symmetrical and pleasing to the eye or whatever.

Natural beauty is not a myth; it's just not the thing that should be talked about the most. 

But as Ms. Fridkis points out, it's the thing that people focus on almost singularly as reason for excitement when talking about girls. And in doing so, they brush aside all the real things girls women have worked for -- their brains, their interests, their hopes and dreams. The focus on the "natural" inclination towards anything pushes away the ability to focus on what one might actually want. Society's continual emphasis on inherent beauty becomes the sole focus of some girls' lives; they never see past the fact that beauty has become a smokescreen that can literally stop a girl from thinking about other, more important things, like her future or her mental acumen.

So here's how this all relates to me (because, let's be real, this is my personal blog ... about me ... so I'm gonna be self-centered and jabber on about me for a little while longer). The guy I recently met, while out in Westwood with my friend, Tiffy, from high school, and (stupidly) gave my number to on a whim ... his first text to me was: "Hi beautiful, it's [the Vegan Anarchist]." Obviously, names have been changed because 1. I feel the need to give a modicum of privacy when possible, and 2. the nickname just cracks me up every time I say/write/hear it and I need a laugh every now and then.

It just ... rankled me to be referred to as "beautiful", like it was my name (he totally had my name, btw). Now, I'm not complaining about being considered pretty or beautiful ... it's a compliment, I get it, and I get that an initial physical attraction is what usually spurs a guy (or girl) to, you know, chat up someone they are interested in. I myself have done just that before. It just becomes a problem when physical beauty becomes the only point of interest. No joke, a later text from this guy read: "Have you ever considered modeling? ... It could be your new career." Again, rankled.

In our quick ten minute conversation the night before, I know I'd mentioned something about being in animation, and this is his response to me? I worked my butt off to earn my degree, to come out as one of the top kids in my year at university, to be a well-rounded person, I'm in a pretty unexpected field that I'm sure you know little to nothing about, and that's really what you say to me concerning my future field? Essentially, I've been relegated to the post of "something pretty to look at". If that's not considered ten steps backward for feminists, I don't know what would be.

Again: "Tiffany, calm the eff down, it was a compliment!! You should be flattered that he thinks you're good looking!" Let me refer you to the above article (yeah, for good measure, I'm linking to the same article twice in one post. it's THAT important). I had no choice in how I was born looking; that is why I have focused my talents on being intelligent, creative, and witty. Well, actually, it's because I was raised in a manner where my looks were not the most important part of my day, but that's beside the point (thanks parents!).

What is the point is that behind every pretty face is a brain. He had my number; it wouldn't have been too hard to ask what I was interested in, what I've been watching on TV ... for Christ's sake, what I thought of the political situation regarding North Korea ... anything but focusing on how I look. I have no say in my looks, so I choose to be engaging, I choose to think quickly, and I choose to be intelligent.

I don't know ... maybe that was just how he's been conditioned to talk to girls: "Girls always talk about their looks, and all the girls I've talked to in the past like it when I say they're pretty, so I'll just tell her she's really pretty ... like a model!" Ugh, I don't even want to get started on how much wrong was in that sentence.

But, if that's how he's been taught to think about girls, maybe it's not actually his fault.

Go back and reread that sentence. It becomes pretty obvious; we've created a beast of a situation in how society views us. This isn't a problem with how guys think of girls; it's a problem of how girls think of themselves. I'm not putting down any of my guy friends, but let's be real, guys just don't get girls (hey, now, you've all admitted it yourselves). Guys, boys, men, they don't know how to relate to creatures of (seemingly) another species (at times. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about). So, they relate to us how we relate to us.

So here is the nature of this beast: when girls meet each other for a night on the town, the first thing said is usually something along the lines of levels of hotness. At well-televised events, like the Oscars or the Grammys, we talk specifically about what a celebrity wore and how she looked in it. After not seeing a girl friend for an extended period of time, we usually comment that: "she looks good. she lost weight." We relate to each other in terms of physical appearance, so that's what we have shown guys to do in order to grab our attention.

I think it might really come down to just one thing: we need to reteach the meaning of beauty. If we, as strong, intelligent women, want to stop being treated as "that pretty thing to look at", we have to be the ones to step up and say SCREAM that we are more than we look. We have brains, and (surprise!!) thoughts, and feelings, and dreams, and ambitions. We have to send those drinks back with a note saying, "I am more than my face or the way I look. I have an imagination, and a heart, and a great theory about last week's episode of my favorite TV show. If you're really interested in me, come and ask me about any of the aforementioned topics."

We've got to start somewhere. If breaking down "natural", physical beauty is where it has to begin, so be it. I doubt there's a girl in the world who wouldn't want to be known as hard-working and intelligent over just being pretty.

--Tiffany

The Part Where It's Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

So ... there's been a Disney meme going around the 'net that kinda cracks me up:

Yeah. Disney gave me unrealistic expectations about boys. I mean, they've all got perfect hair, and shmexy singing voices, and they swing in at the last minute to save the damsel in distress. *le siiiighhhh* who could ask for more?!

But actually ... I've been thinking about this lately, and I've come to the realization that, no: my DAD gave me unrealistic expectations about boys. Yeah, Disney, you just didn't have enough of an impact on my life.

But for realsies, I've been thinking about Disney Princes, and how every girl wants to be a Disney Princess so they can come have a Disney Prince arrive and sweep them off their feet, and how I totally don't fit into that category (unfortunately, for all those guys out there who think a sweet word and an intense stare will make me swoon).

No, instead, this is what my dad taught me to expect in a boy who wants to date me:

- he must challenge me. All my life, I've struggled against maths and sciences, and, at many points, just wanted to take the crappy grade, but only because I didn't want to do the work. It was classes like these that my dad would take it upon himself to tutor me, to make sure I didn't become complacent and I didn't just take the passing grade, but reached for the good grade that was a possibility. And this tutoring wasn't necessarily in something my dad would know; in high school he would take my Honors Chemistry book and reteach himself things he hadn't learned for at least 35 or 40 years. If anything, his decision to relearn all the stuff just to make sure I knew it just proved that I, as a younger person at a more student-oriented time in my life, had the ability to learn these complex and really befuddling concepts if only I allowed myself to be challenged and put myself to the task.

- he must allow himself to be challenged. If there's anything my dad has taught me, it's to be strong. Not necessarily physically strong, but to have opinions and really understand them and stand by them. I'm not gonna say I'm an immovable rock on issues or anything (haha, I think I know people who will disagree with me on that), but I have strong opinions and I probably won't change them just because someone challenges me. I learned that from my daddy. In fact, I'll probably challenge a lot of notions about gender stereotypes or body types or just being true to myself. I tend to do that. It gets abrasive. So, inevitably, a guy who doesn't inspire interesting conversation or doesn't stand up for himself just won't cut it. Strength of opinion and power of logical thought show depth of knowledge and depth of interest in what you believe. Just don't be surprised when I challenge you. ^_^

- he must never stop learning. In the vein of the first bullet, my dad never stops learning ... or, well re-learning in the case of the Chemistry class. But, more recently, he tried to pick up Spanish, which is pretty cool, considering he already knows English and Chinese, and he's almost officially a senior citizen. Considering all those studies that say learning a new language is almost impossible after childhood, Go Dad! Essentially, there must be a love for learning ... learning about the world, learning about himself, learning about something that catches his interest.

- he must love me unconditionally. If there's one thing that my dad does every day, it's that he loves me unconditionally. When I'm going completely nuts, he loves me. When I'm happy as a bird, he loves me. When he's mad at me, he loves me. It doesn't matter what's going on; my dad loves me. I know, it comes with the territory of being a daughter, but he loves my mom unconditionally too. It's that kind of dedication that makes a marriage work for 30+ years and through two kids. I know there have been hard times, difficult times, times when they don't get along or disagree on something, but at the end of the day, my dad loves my mom (and vice versa, but this thing is specifically about my dad. Sorry Mom! ^_^), and never stops. It's honestly a source of pride to me when I get to tell my friends that my parents have the Up love story going on (not in that the wife dies, but in how unconditionally Carl loves her, even after she's gone, God forbid that happens soon to my parents). If there was a male incarnation of God's unconditional love in my life, it'd be the love my dad gives me.

- he must allow me to stand on my own. I'm sure both my parents had a heart attack when I was a little 16-year-old applying to college and I decided that I wanted to be an animation major. I'm pretty sure I'm still causing an aneurysm to my parents while they worry about me and my future in the animation industry. Yet, they support me and allow me stand on my own. My mom's always been more vocal about it, considering she's always the one saying: "do what you love, do what you are actually interested in." But sometimes, it almost feels like it takes more gumption to just let me do it. My dad implicitly trusts me and understands that I, as a young person with a lot of growing to do, will make mistakes, but that makes it ever more important to let me stand on my own and make those mistakes, as much as it might suck in the future.

- he must accept me as who I am. In the vein of the previous bullet, I do kinda try my best to make my own way sometimes in my worldly persona. In terms of personality, I'm kind of a nut. (Literally: cracked. Haha, had to make that joke.) I'm into all sorts of strange, dorky, geeky, nerd things, but my dad doesn't care. I come home, and I'm just his daughter. I'll sit on the couch and eat pork and squid and we'll watch History Channel documentaries together.

- he must encourage positive change. On the flip side, if I know there is something I want to improve about myself, I expect him to be behind me 100%. In terms of self-betterment, or learning new things, or just getting out there in the world, my dad has never wavered in his support of whatever it ends up being that I want to do. Since I expect him to challenge me, I expect him to want me to always be reaching to be a better person. It's one of those things where my parents would ask me at dinner: "don't answer if you don't want to, but did you try your hardest? If you feel that you did, there is no shame in a grade that you worked hard for. If you didn't, work harder next time." In other words, my dad is an encouragement, not a downer.

- he must have faith. Yeah, I mean, I was raised Catholic and my parents are definitely the reason that I am Catholic, but I don't necessarily need a guy to be Catholic; he just needs to have faith of some sort. What my dad has taught me is that faith is a touchstone. He's a lot less showy about his relationship with faith than my mom, but, again, quiet faith is enough for me. It's a personal decision how you show your faith; it matters more how you live it. He gets up every morning and meditates on this image of Calgary that we have in our house. It's one of those things that no one really ever sees, but does happy. My room is down the hall from the big hall light, so if I'm rolled onto the wrong side of the bed, sometimes I get a light on my face at four in the morning when my dad starts his daily meditation. But that's what you need: a reason to get up in the morning and a quiet moment to remember what you are thankful for.

- he must expect equality. That's how things were always split in my house growing up, at least chore wise. If Mom cooked dinner, Dad did the dishes. When Mom BBQ'd, Dad cleaned the BBQ. Mom did all the sewing and tailoring in the house, so Dad did the laundry. Mom kept the garden nice, and Dad maintained the cars. There's always been a great respect, and therefore equality, between my parents. It's never about doing something so one person "owes" the other; it's about knowing that love and respect mean that you will always do what's in the best interest of the other person or both of you.

Anybody else intimidated by the unrealistic expectations my Dad gave me about boys? =D

So yeah, those are all the things that my dad taught me to expect from boys, because those are all the things he exemplifies himself, as the Man of the Yee House. So thanks, Daddy, for being a great man and role model, and loving me unconditionally even when I'm in tears and yelling at the world (or you and mom) in anger. You are the rock in our house, the stability and the foundation to how our entire family has grown. Disney boys ain't got nothing on you! ^_^

Love you!! Happy Father's Day!

--Tiffany

The Part at the End of the Week

Helloooooooo Saturday! Also known as photo-dump day, if you're me and you put it off every week. I really need to stop doing this. Here we gooooooo!

June 8, 2013. Stayed the night at Brandy's so we could go up to the Bridge to Nowhere again... I did that hike twice in two weeks! Oh it was so much fun. We definitely had a great time, and Brandy jumped off the boulder! That pool is deep enough to jump into, and she was all nervous about it, but then she finally did it and it was great! I have a pretty hilarious quick-shutter sequence of her thinking about jumping and then getting ready and then, JUMPING! It was very cool ^_^

June 9, 2013. Because I was making pasta. If I'm not careful, this blog is gonna turn into a food blog. >.< Haha. And also, because a wise man once told me that bow ties are cool. Turns out he was very right. Doesn't hurt that they're delicious too. Nom.

June 10, 2013. E. Writing away.

June 11, 2013. T-chow, after finishing her final final as a UCLA student! Congrats Chow-Baby, you've got a degree! Lookit you, finishing in four years, when they said it couldn't be done. So proud of you ^_^ And so proud that you know the first thing you do after you finish is party like it's going out of style! Thanks for inviting me along. This was, indeed, the prequel to a very entertaining night.

June 12, 2013. E and texting the boy. We keep having really interesting discussions about men and boys and all sorts of fun things because of this silly OkCupid thing.

June 13, 2013. Night shot! We were both curled up in bed, but E was texting her fam (I think), and it just lit her and the wall up so well ... I tried to capture that, but it didn't really work. Still kinda a fun picture at least though.

June 14, 2013. Apparently I wasn't the only one with a weird week, so Caitl decided to go dancing and invited me along and we went out with a bunch of animators! Very fun. Meerkat Friend is making faces. It was pretty hilarious, all in all, actually. Basically, it was the epilogue to a very strange week, and then the prelude to a pretty awesome night!

June 15, 2013. We went to LACMA today! E, and the OkCupid man, and some Disney folks, and I went to the Kubrick exhibit, which was very interesting and fun. Really neat to see some of the costumes and design work for Kubrick's films. BUT! this is actually outside on the grounds of LACMA, and it's this giant boulder thing that they ... split in two? And then brought to LA and bolted over this walkway, so you can walk under this giant boulder? Yeah ... as Film School Friend says: "LOOK! ART! I dun get it." But, it is kinda cool, in that you're under this giant boulder thing. It's a little trippy to think about; maybe it's supposed to be a commentary on how people have been shaping our world, versus how it used to be that something that massive and heavy used to shape us. But now, we have the power and technology to bend it to our will? Yeah. I'm just gonna go with that. ART! ^_^

Anyways, that was the week in photos, but there's one thing that I didn't around to photographing before I passed it on the FSF... THE NEW GOO GOO DOLLS ALBUM CAME OUT THIS WEEK! Oh it's beautiful! It's like an eleven-song love letter to the perfect girl. It makes me so happy when I listen to it. I can't say it's my favorite over Dizzy Up the Girl, but it does a damn good job of being a beautiful, complete, and focused album. Never hurts that Johnny Rzeznik's voice is like caramelized gold. I cannot WAIT for July 17th. Let's go Goo Goo Dolls!!

And here's a quote to round out the post, before E and I go to see Man of Steel!

"You know I love the girl
Who said that I could change the world
If only I was brave enough
To live the life in front of me"
-- "Slow it Down", Magnetic, the Goo Goo Dolls.

I could probably talk for hours and hours about how much hope this quote gives me, but I won't. Maybe another time. I just love this album so much. EVERYONE GO LISTEN TO IT!!

And with that, good night!

--Tiffany

The Part Where I'm Going to the Bridge to Nowhere Again!

I just couldn't get enough of it! 9 miles in the baking sun, what could be better!!

Haha, I'm being facetious. But I am going up there again, so I thought I should photo-dump the last week's worth of Project 365s before I head up to Pasadena to stay the night with my friend who couldn't make it last week but really wanted to go.

May 31, 2013. I thought for a quick second there that I forgot to take a picture on May 31st. That woulda been sad, honestly, cause I'd been doing so well... at least I didn't forget, no matter how boring this picture is. It was kind of indicative of my day; I was mostly trying to organize BtNw Hike stuff, so it was really kinda low key. I actually did forget to take a picture, then started on dinner and realized I hadn't, so I ran downstairs to take a quickie outside.

June 1, 2013. Gettin' lost in the wilderness. After 2.5 hours of extremely quick hiking, we got to the Bridge to Nowhere, so we hung out and played around in the river and generally had a good time. Very nice way to welcome June.

June 2, 2013. E's reaction to the Red Wedding. How exciting... Oh man, that was an episode for the ages, that is for sure!

June 3, 2013. I've been doing a fair amount of cooking with Korean BBQ sauce as of late, and that stuff is scrumptious! But very messy. That's just a little of the splatter that got splashed onto the stove!

June 4, 2013. Everyone says that LA is stuck in perpetual summer, and it's true 11 months out of the year. June, on the other hand, is cloudy all month long without fail. No joke, June 1st, it's cloudy as hell outside! And it all burns off when July comes around! It's a very interesting thing, considering everyone sees LA as being bright and sunny all year long.

June 5, 2013. E got an OkCupid account. I promised her that if she started one, I'd reactivate mine. We are receiving so many delightful messages as I type. I love men. They are interesting creatures. =D

June 6, 2013. OH MAN. The morning of June 6 was a clusterf-bomb of the most epic kind. Let's just say I attempted to do my laundry and found out there were things growing on my last blow up mattress. As in mold. Nasty. So did a bed/sheet/mattress pad shuffle and then found a SPIDER. Which we all know is my greatest enemy and, most often, my downfall in terms of bravery. This time, after much screamin' and hollerin', I killed it with about eighty sheets of Kleenex.

... I know my phobia is silly; every time I look back on it, it's silly, but ... it's inevitable, I'm going to scream and cry when I see a spider. The fear and response is irrational, but it's also primitive and veryyyy difficult to get over. (I was probably most afraid of the spider while I was squishing it. The idea of seeing it pop itself back into shape, crawl over the Kleenex and anywhere onto me is giving me shivers right now and I should probably stop writing about it because I keep seeing parts of my carpet move where there aren't actually any critters there.)

June 7, 2013. Culinary creativities. Yes, that is a steak. Yes, that is chocolate milk. I'm secretly a 4-year-old stuck inside the stomach of a manly-man from somewhere in the deep south who likes his meat freshly-killed, bloody, and rare, stuck inside the body of a 22-year-old girl.

Yeah, I get confused a lot too, it's okay.

^_^

And that is good night! I'm headed up to Pasadena in a few minutes, and then out to the Bridge again in the morning. Should be a good day!

--Tiffany

The Part at the Crossroads

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken"

I guess, technically speaking, I'm not at the crossroads at this very minute, but, inevitably, the future I have planned for is coming fast, and I have to make a decision.

I had a lunch with a storyboard artist who's now working at Sony, who has a very impressive list of animation credentials behind him, and he was telling me all sorts of great advice: be humble, have an in-depth plan for the future, take a step back and figure out if you're where you want to be -- or at least if you're on the path to where you want to be, dream big, collect memories and collect friends. He explained to me that, of all the good decisions he made in his career, they were all because he specifically decided not to go with the flow.

When he first started, he landed a job doing something he was pretty much appalled at having to do; he hated it, it made him wonder where could the animation industry possibly go if that was all animators were ever doing ... so when he heard that England was the place to be for the future of animation, he hopped on a plane to England, found a job doing commercials, and eventually worked his way onto Roger Rabbit. It's an impressive, engaging story, actually, and a lot of fun to hear about the good ol' days of hand-drawn animation where it was all about working your butt off to animate well and then staying in touch with people, which meant they would eventually contact you when they needed to staff up for a new production.

When he asked what I am doing with my time now, and my plan for the future is, I answered him honestly: right now, I've got my job as a personal assistant; I'm looking at taking classes at Gnomon for the next year to brush up on my skills; and then I'm looking at applying to graduate schools to specifically study previsualization/pre-viz, as opposed to general animation, which I did back at LMU.

Immediately, he told me: grad school is not the place to go. Instead, I should be out in the industry, working connections, pounding the dirt to get myself out there.

Okay ... I've done that for a year.

This whole past year, I've gone with the flow; I've worked my reel, I've reworked it, I've reworked it again, I've gotten frustrated at jobs that aren't good for anyone's mental health, I've sent out more cover letters and resumes than I can count, and still -- nothing.

If going against the flow, if making a specific decision to go where there will be work, opportunities, and a goddamn change from what I'm currently stuck in means going off to dreaded animation grad school ... well, it almost sounds like a good idea.

When did it become a problem to want to become a Master at something? (is it just the title that's throwing everyone off?? maybe they should consider rechristening programs as "Continued Learning" or something; i sure as hell don't think i'll ever truly be a master at the ever-changing world of VFX, but i sure hope i'll eventually be really, really good at it, and maybe be able to contribute to it in some way.) Why is it that graduate school is something so ... looked down upon in the animation industry?

I mean, in some aspects, I get it -- this whole industry is based around apprenticing and interning, but both of those things are dependent on either being in school or a recent graduate. I'm no longer in school, and I'm not going to be a recent graduate forever. This is becoming a catch-22, where, eventually, no decision I make is going to be the right one. So shouldn't I make some decisive move towards something? Right now, that something is classes at Gnomon, which isn't a big deal, considering it's just down the road and I'll still be in LA, and I'll (hopefully) still be making connections with people in the industry, but everyone seems to have a humongous issue with graduate school.

I'm not going to this program with the grandiose idea that I'm going to come out and automatically get the best job at every place I apply to; I'm going to this program with the intention of sharpening my skills, networking my butt off, and interning as often as I can so that, maybe, just maybe, I'll have the skills to get into an entry-level position in a career that I'm actually interested in and enjoy for most of the hours I'm stuck working at a desk. Let's be real, I didn't get that in undergrad, but that's also because I didn't know what I wanted for three out of four years. 

I dunno ... With the fact that my skill set is not up to par, and I'm not getting gainful employment anywhere, that just seems to scream at me that I'm not up to par yet. With all these visual effects/animation schools churning out quality graduates left and right, who am I to ask a company to take me on when I don't have all the necessary skills? To me, graduate school is where I should go to make sure that, upon graduation, I have a firm grasp on the programs I need to know and I'm fully versed in film language.

I've been rejected for a year already; I know that's not a terribly long time, but I'd rather not keep on doing the same thing over and over again until I'm creatively spent and feel the necessity to give up because I'm just wasting resources. I've gotten used to all the rejection, of watching the calendar dates fly by, re-emailing, re-emailing, and still not get a response. At this point, it's honestly a little more than terrifying to think about trying to go back to school full time, to think about potentially getting rejected (all over again) ...

*sigh* who knows! Maybe I'm just yelling all this out there to try to convince myself that it's a good idea, but honestly, I'm probably gonna drop off the face of the earth come November, 'cause of job reel editing, and grad school application writing/application reel editing ... I mean, Plan A will always be to get that first job, but Plan B, hanging out right next to it, is gonna be graduate school.

The crossroads are waiting for me. And, honestly, it's not really that much of a crossroads; if I get a job offer while I'm in school, I'd drop everything to go to work. Signing up for graduate school isn't about stalling for time; it's about honing my skills so that they're ready for the future. Believe me when I say it: I want to work, but I just have to come to terms with the very fact that, right now, I'm not good enough. So that's the plan: go to grad school, work hard -- get to be good enough. I'm not asking for a magic button; I'm asking for more time to be better.

Who woulda thunk -- an Asian girl somehow getting herself into an industry where going to grad school is the road less traveled. Ah, the irony!

--Tiffany