New York, here I come! Today was a pretty wonderful today. Started off with work at Loft, did a little mocap clean up for Caitl's thesis, played some volleyball, and had a really wonderful time at the CLC alumni group.
Here's the picture of the day:
February 28, 2013. I've been wanting to take this picture for ages as well. Sometimes, all I have to do to remember that I am blessed ... is look up. ^_^
Today was all about blessings and stressings at meeting today. It was beautiful, and painful, and stressful, and really, really useful. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone, and it's even better to look ahead and know that there's something good on the horizon. As they say, it's always darkest before the dawn. I'm rereading the book Delirium right now, and this is one of the best quotes from it, when the main character accidentally blurts out that her favorite color is gray and tries to explain why she said that: "Right before the sun rises there's a moment when the whole sky goes this pale nothing color--not really gray but sort of, or sort of white, and I've always really liked it because it reminds me of waiting for something good to happen."
That's where I am right now. In the dark, in the gray. But ... all that means is that I'm waiting for something good to happen. And I am actually doing something to get to the good stuff.
So, in that I can actually do things, and work towards what I actually want, means I am blessed. I am blessed to be in the gray, and to be supported and loved even though I am in the gray.
I'm gonna get there.
I just need to wait out the night.
I see the gray; first light is coming my way, I will be ready.
So, the only thing I could think to do, after packing, of course, is do a photo dump! Jeez it's been a long time since I've put up photos... so here we go!
February 17, 2013. It's my KaiChi and his boyfriend! They so cuuuuuuuuutee! ^_^
February 18, 2013. Hahaha I love my roommate ^_^
February 19, 2013. Shakey shakey! Salad girls, Caitl and V.
February 20, 2013. I cheated and had Caitl take the pic of the day... 'cause we all gave blood!
February 21, 2013. The crazy canine! Ben is charging, teeth wide open!!! Rawr!!
February 22, 2013. I've been wanting to take this picture for pretty much as long as I've been working at Loft at Century City.
February 23, 2013. E and I went running around Brentwood. It was quite a nice jaunt heehee ^_^
February 24, 2013. The moon be so bright! I can almost hear the werewolves howling.... O_O
February 25, 2013. Trees against the cotton candy sky. So pretty!
February 26, 2013. E .... had car troubles. We had to call AAA, and they jacked up the car and replaced the tire and it was all together an epic, EPIC night.
February 27, 2013. Packed for the East Coast. In a duffel, backpack and purse. Am I going to freeze????
So that's pretty much it! If I'm lucky I'll get tomorrow's picture up before I head to bed, but I'm leaving LA at 9:30 on Friday morning, so no promises!
All of Los Angeles is abuzz with what went down, and, more importantly, the VFX/animation industry is abuzz with what DIDN'T go down. Now, personally (and I know a number of my animation major brethren who will loudly disagree with me), I didn't find fault with either the Jaws music cutting off the VFX Coordinator of Life of Pi or the awkward Avengers cast attempt at.... Well, I'm still not totally sure what that was, but in both cases, it didn't seem like an overt attempt (or a covert one, for that matter) to brush off the immense amounts of time and effort put into creating VFX-heavy movies. In fact, the Avengers cast ... thingy seemed more like a poorly executed attempt to acknowledge the fact that the VFX industry is getting hammered by big budget Hollywood films that demand more, more, more for pennies on the dollar. But that's just my opinion.
I saw a post in Facebook arguing for why photographers charge so much (it was a cute little columned compare/contrast chart that I can't replicate here, so I'll just have to explain it), and I thought it was pertinent. On one side, the title of the column was: what you think you are paying for (someone to take pictures for a certain amount of time). On the other side, the column was called: what you are really paying for. This column can't be put in parenthesis because it was a good ten items long. It included things such as "camera and lenses", "tutorials or classes", "driving costs", "photo editing/computer equipment", etc., etc., and most importantly, "the cost of living, aka bills, food, rent". Or something of the sort.
I saw it and thought, "This is an EXTREMELY pertinent post." When we think of VFX, we think first and foremost about the creatures or explosions or extra-terrestrials that are given form on the big screen because they cannot be physically represented in the real world, whether it be because it is too dangerous to create thing, too costly, or just that they literally do not exist. We, the audience, think of VFX as the pretty thing that comes out at the end of the movie, aka, "someone taking pictures for a certain amount of time".
However, there is much more than just the pretty picture that comes out at the end. Even if, say, somehow the filmmaker manages to persuade all his VFX artists to work on their own from home, and with their own equipment, what their paycheck goes toward would be this (at the extreme bare minimum): a computer with ample enough RAM to be able to provide real-time playback from Maya (probably a desktop computer with excess memory than standard), a individual license to Maya (I've recently looked this up: $3000+) or Houdini or ZBrush or Mudbox, an Internet connection, and an external hard drive (what? Saving reminders abound...). And I haven't even included the necessity for that paycheck to go towards bills such as electricity or gas, or even getting the computer fixed should it break down mid-production. Not to mention the FACT that VFX artists are highly trained in what they do. Sure, maybe they didn't go to a four year university or have a fancy piece of paper that says they're "smart" enough to have a degree in what they do, but in terms of experience and ability to make something -- something amazing -- out of nothing, these guys have put in the years and years necessary to truly be masters of their craft. To me, that is a billion times more important than going to a school; real life experience is always the best experience. To break it down simply: animation's more than just staring at a screen and moving little points; it's bringing your character to life, which is especially difficult on a life action plate where the artist is put to the test of matching the level of realism they must create to that of something that is actually real! It is an art form. Would you sell the original Mona Lisa for $500? I didn't think so. So how is it fair to be paying artists the absolute minimum to create something as realistic and gorgeous onscreen?
The level of blood, sweat, tears, and raw talent that goes into the visual effects in effects-heavy films NEEDS to be recognized. I'm not trying to pat my own back either, I'm not even technically in the industry yet. I just know, from the amount of work I have had to put in to my own work, to my own student films, how it must be exponentially more difficult and time consuming to create a feature length film that has visual effects up the wazoo.
You might think: "hey wait a minute, they're just asking for more money!" But the truth is, VFX work is usually contracted out (the exception being when a studio has their own in-house VFX side, i.e. Sony and Spider-Man). Contracted work means that the Houses are paid ahead of the movie actually coming out. The salary is set long before the film sees the light of day and the VFX House itself never sees a cut of the actual income from the film. Again, it's like being paid minimum wage for six months to a year to create a masterpiece that grosses $100,000,000+. Am I the only one who sees what's wrong with this picture?
Thus, we have Visual Effects (power) Houses like Rhythm & Hues and Digital Domain announcing bankruptcy while Hollywood rolls in money gained from effects-heavy films like The Avengers, The Dark Knight, Titanic, Life of Pi, The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, and even the Best Picture WINNER from this year, Argo (yeah. Betcha didn't know that). I know that when I first watched all these films, I didn't really think twice about the stunning visuals. It was all about the actors' performance, the seeping camera moves, the gorgeous cinematography ... And I'm an effects person! The VFX has been swept under the rug for literally doing too good of a job; the integration of imagined visuals has been so seamlessly integrated into the reality of the rest of the film that it is overlooked easily and then possibly not even recognized for what it is (case in point, Argo. I spent a number of days wondering how the hell Ben Affleck managed to obtain permits to film in Iran when the film he made showed the country in such a negative light, only to read an article about how it was pretty much all set extensions and seamless integration of epic proportions).
I guess what I'm getting at is that the visual effects side of the industry have been overlooked for too long. These Houses are instrumental in creating a world that envelopes the viewer, makes it all really ... real, at least for the two hours they watch the movie. But they get no respect. And this is the industry I'm trying to get into, because I want to do something creative, and I love the creativity that this industry puts out into the world.
So yes, I want VFX artists to be paid better and to be able to support themselves and their families, and I believe that comes first with the industry giving the VFX side the respect and honor it is due. I truly hope that industry artists have riled up enough anger and frustration to stand up and demand the recognition deserved by the many thousands of people currently employed in the VFX industry.
We shouldn't be the forgotten and invisible industry, especially since we're just as good at making flashy explosions as we are at making reality and CGI blend together.
And this time, not by accidentally meeting him in a club!
So yeah, I met Johnny Rzeznik on Tuesday! Remember a few weeks ago, I posted about winning that contest on the radio? Well, I wasn't getting punk'd, and I totally got to meet him! Too bad I was so nervous I could barely get my name out. Thank god Jordan was there, making fun of me just enough so that I ended up NOT making a fool of myself. I'm still waiting on MyFM to put up the pictures on their website, but when they do, it is DEFINITELY going up here.
Anyways, other than that, there's not much interesting going on in my life (in fact, so uninteresting that I spent about an hour telling my mom just how boring my life is right now). Haha! I think it's just about time for an epic photo deluge from this past week. Here we go!
February 11, 2013. Oops! Waited 'til the last minute ^_^. Funnily enough, it actually says on my camera that this picture was taken on the 12th, but... this image technically does say everything. haha!
February 12, 2013. Oh look, it's Johnny Rzeznik! Bwahahah!!!!
February 13, 2013. My beautiful Kairos sister from Pennsylvania, who has since become an animation minor and a Gryphon. Yeah... she's pretty awesome. =)
February 14, 2013. My take on love. It's all fuzzy and foggy all the time. Fuzzy and Foggy!!!! FOGGYYYYYY O_O
LOL.... yeah, Valentine's Day does weird things to me. And I came up with that metaphor after the fact. It was just cool at that time ^_^
February 15, 2013. Zoom zoom down Santa Monica! There're so many colors!!
February 16, 2013. There's a surprise in the branches!! Bwahaha cookies for whoever sees it first! ^_^
Yeah... that sounds weird, doesn't it. Maybe I should have started this differently...
The Part Where I'm Not Really a Fan of Make-Up
Hm.... yeah, that's better. But not as much fun and not strangely provocative.
So here's the sitch.
I work in retail, more specifically, at a place that likes to think consider itself catering towards the "real" women of the world, women who like colorful clothes and being able to wear their wardrobes both to work and out on the town. And that, is actually kinda cool. I promise I'm not being facetious, even though most people who know me know that I'm not the biggest fan of working retail and things like key words or talking about fashion or getting people to sign up for extra credit cards.
Yeah, that sounded facetious.
But really, working at my store is an eye-opening experience, and is something that I really have enjoyed for the most part despite my antagonistic view on working retail.
See, this is how it is: I can deal with the necessity of getting 1,100 pieces of shipment, and needing to get it completely unpacked in 11 man hours, and with customers who can't decide on what they want, and then have a 15 piece transaction that somehow includes purchases, exchanges, returns, and a price adjustment (yeah, kids, that's happened).
What I've been having a harder and harder time wrapping my head around -- and this points to a larger problem I've been mulling over for some time -- is the focus on make up.
Now, as I've said already, I work in retail; I get that I have to look nice, I have to look the brand and dress up way more than I usually do. What I get a lot less, is the constant focus on having to wear make up at work... and therefore, since we cater to the "real" woman, projecting the idea that "real" women need to wear make up in the real world in order to be fashion forward and beautiful.
Whenever we get a visit from corporate, all of us associates are repeatedly reminded that we have to look the brand, that we have to have our hair done, our make up done ... that we have to be completely dolled up to impress our corporate visitors, and of all the things I've had to do for this job, this is the one that bothers me the most.
Allow me a moment for a sidebar before I tie this all together: I am in no way delusional about the way I look. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, I won't turn heads just by walking into a bar, but, despite that, I like to think that I'm at least not bad looking. I think, here, the operative word is "cute". And while that is its own problem completely on its own, this whole post is not about my varying level of cuteness. For the most part, I've only started wearing make up daily in the past calendar year. More specifically, since October. Since I got hired.
Now, most days that I have work, I only put on eyeliner and mascara (aka, the eyelash stuff). If I'm feeling adventurous, I'll slap on some eye shadow, in varying shades of color based on what I'm wearing. When it comes to corporate visits, I bust out every piece of make up I own: eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, concealer, and lipstick.
I feel like I literally am painting over my face.
And I want my face back.
I get it -- I'm cute, not gorgeous, so I need make up to make me gorgeous.
But do I really? I try not to think that I have body image issues, but there are some undeniable things about me: I'm Asian, so I'll always have a little, flat nose, I'm never going to quite reach 5'4", and my hair is never going to curl the way I want it to, no matter how good of a perm job I get.
Despite all this, I like to think that I am a confident, beautiful woman. Despite my ethnicity, I don't totally have the stereo-typically "squinty" Asian eyes, so why do I need eyeliner or mascara to make my eyes look bigger than what they really are? If I want to be perceived as a working, adult woman, I wouldn't want to have humongous eyes like a baby; that would psychologically imply that I'm immature and need to be helped, not confident about selling clothes and having a well-formed opinion on fashion. I haven't had any sorts of gross acne since I was in high school, and even when pimples do pop up, they're pretty minuscule and go away after like a day, so why do I need concealer to "even out" my skin tone? A little blood in the cheeks just means I'm working hard; isn't that what my bosses expect from me when I work for them? As for my lips, they're well proportioned to the rest of my face, and their natural pinkish hue is a color I've seen being sold at Target or Macy's or Sephora. Why should I cover up my lips with something redder?
In essence, by using make up, by covering my natural self up, I am silently conceding that the current standards of beauty are the correct standards of beauty; but does being beautiful mean we all have to look the same? In my opinion, by using and overusing make up, we are caking on layers and layers of product and cosmetics that just take away from the natural beauty that all of us have.
For example, we (the royal we of the female population) cover up "blemishes" so that people won't see them, but my favorite part about my face is a line of freckles that only runs on the left side of my face. No one gets to see that when I have concealer on; it just fades away, the skin tone on my face is even across the board, and I have just gotten a step closer to being "beautiful".
Too bad I don't feel it on the inside.
On the inside, I feel ... well, like crap, to be completely honest. I feel like I am using make up as a mask and covering up my smarts, my charm, my personality, the things that make me... me! and becoming just another pretty face because it happens to coincide with the standard of beauty that is expected of me by my employer. I don't feel beautiful when I have to completely alter my face to be considered pretty. And I don't understand how anyone can consider me to be beautiful if they don't even know what I really look like!
I'm not going to lie, I feel beautiful when I wake up in the morning. I like looking in the mirror when I wake up; the way I look then makes me smile... because I look real, I look like myself! I look like a normal human being! When I get make up on, I worry constantly about smudging it, pushing it the wrong way -- I worry about not. looking. perfect. Since when did perfection become necessary to be beautiful? Think about it; all the product that people use on themselves to look good are just a means to an end, an end considered to be visual perfection, by social standards.
Thus, I want my face back.
And I hope other women out there do too.
Maybe I don't know how I hope this will happen, or how I plan on promoting this idea, but I really, truly hope that this idea touches a few people.
The idea is this: we are, all of us, human. Humans weren't made for perfection; we were made for inconsistencies and asymmetry. Nothing in nature is perfect; everything is just ... ordered, and as part of the natural world, the same goes for us. I firmly believe that we, as women, need to take back our faces, take them back from the media, the social standards, the everything that tells us we aren't good enough -- that we aren't beautiful -- the way we look in the morning before we put on all that product that just covers up what was already beautiful to begin with.
So ... to anyone who reads this, I have a challenge for you. If you agree with anything I just wrote, and it's not detrimental to your life in any way (i.e. you don't work in an environment that demands make up), go without make up for one day this coming week. And do it again next week, and the week after, and the week after that, maybe take two days off, instead of one. And so on and so forth.
And each day, when you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and really look at your face. Find something to love that maybe has been covered up in the past. Embrace the "imperfection" and revel in it! And use that extra twenty minutes to sleep, or read, or do homework, or talk to that cute boy before class. Live life away from the mirror and away from the idea of perfection.
You never know, maybe this'll happen:
It can never hurt to try. =)
--Tiffany
This made the rounds a few years back. I just thought it'd be an apt reminder that what we see in the media and out in the world that describe visual beauty may be more deceiving than it seems.
Yeah.... Sorry I've been pretty much MIA this week. It's been... a trying week. I don't really have time to make a super in depth post before I pass out, but I'll put up the pictures from this past week up:
February 3, 2013. If there's anything I remember about this day, it's this: I just wanted to watch the SuperBowl (aka, unfortunately, the Niners getting whooped), but I had to go to WORK. All the sad feels. And then the Niners lost. SUPER SAD.
February 4, 2013. Yeah.... I'm not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about my project 365 that day. I worked for 8 hours, and then went shopping, and then it was late and walking back I was like, "Oh God!". So... yeah, this is kinda lame, I won't lie.
February 5, 2013. This is where I was working last week! (the 2/3 pic is where I usually work). Loft was opening up a store just outside Hollywood, and needed extra hands. I was nervous at first, cause opening my Loft store was kind of ridiculous and stressful and not fun at all, but this opening was super chill and casual and WAY calmer and a lot of fun.
February 6, 2013. Sunlight, colors, and power lines. I dunno, this just kinda worked for me ^_^
February 7, 2013. Mr. Pham, my Kairos leader, at Qdoba for the first time. He's very much unimpressed at the moment. But I was told his Queso Burrito was delicious, so s'all good! Thanks for inviting me to the alumni CLC group!
February 8, 2013. Morning clouds as I cross the street. I find that the sky does the most interesting things in the morning.
February 9, 2013. SNOW. LEOPARDS. IN. THE. SNOW. LIFE. COMPLETE. Background: Snow leopards are my favorite animals. The LA zoo does a few "Snow Days" each year, and fills the cages of the animals that should have snow with snow. This was the only time I've ever seen the snow leopards do ANYTHING. And do anything TOGETHER.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. SO BEAUTIFUL.
*glazed eye happiness*
February 10, 2013. And my lovely Caitl. Staring at me angrily 'cause she's such an awesome model. ^_^
Geep! It's been a while since I've been on, but it is a New Year's Resolution to keep this thing up so I WILL be keeping up with this blog for as long as I can (hopefully that means until forever and ever and EVER). Anyways, haven't put up pics for a while, so I thought I'd do that, but E and I are literally about to run out the door to a birthday thing for another friend, so this one is admittedly going to be short. Here we go!
January 28, 2013. Admittedly, I couldn't see much that day, but this was on the way to work. I liked the juxtaposition between the reflections and the shadows on the ground.... so I took a picture. ^_^ Also, this is in color, not black and white. God, my camera is SO cool ^_^
January 29, 2013. I went looking for inspiration after working in the labs that day, so I went to the beach to watch the sunset, which is something I haven't done in a really long time. I've got lots of pretty pictures of the sunset, but none of them seemed quite right. You see, in LA, a gorgeous sunset is a dime a dozen. But the view when I turned around was way cooler than I expected. It's like... the aftermath of the afterglow. I like it ^_^
January 30, 2013. The view from here ... ain't all that exciting sometimes. On the other hand, I've been watching a lot of the TV show "Bones", so that's where this is from, after dinner on Wednesday while I cuddled up in my comfy chair and watched a whole lot of procedural shows.
January 31, 2013. I figured, since I didn't put up a picture of the Roy E. Disney Animation Building when I went to visit E and tour the lot, I'd put it up this time. I went up to Burbank to hang out with her and watch a movie and get dinner. It was fun!
February 1, 2013. Just playing around with the manual focus on my Nikon. AND IT WAS WONDERFUL. It's so cool! I love it, I love it, I love itttt! It's my precioussssss O_O haha! But really. It's pretty cool and I just wish it could capture the gradient in the sky, but one thing at a time! I'll figure it out. That's what this whole year is for anyways.
HAPPY FEBRUARY!
February 2, 2013. E and I did the Color Run today! They call it the Happiest 5K on the Planet, so who am I to dispute it (honestly though, I'm not totally sure it was actually a 5K... I ran it in under 30 minutes, including walking, goofing around, getting a little turned around in the colored smoke, and without any training). But that doesn't matter! It was SUPER fun. I ran into BEST FROND from LMU (literally. pun most definitely intended). By the end of it, we were both super messy and color-filled and running on some sort of endorphines and it was WONDERFUL. And then E had to go back to work, so I took a nap. Haha. Either way, it was GREAT. Can't wait for next year ^_^
I'll put up Color Run photos soon. Maybe tomorrow!
Anyways. E is drying her hair now, so we're just about to bounce. See ya later kiddos!
