The Part About 22

Well hello there again! Yeesh, I'm a little embarrassed to say I have been woefully neglectful to this sweet baby of mine, despite my ability last year to somehow keep it up despite all the crazy, but seeing as today is the last day before I go from being "magical and miserable" (thanks T.Swizzle) to "nobody likes [me] cause [I'm] 23" (thanks Blink. I'm glad you have such faith in my inevitable downfall from popularity), I figured I'd get my graduation goggles on and write a little something about being 22 and then make a birthday resolution to keep this blog up (cause that actually worked last year for my 2013 New Year's Resolution).

So: 22 Things I Learned at 22

1. Age is just a number: Maybe it's just because I'm getting older, but maybe it's because I actually believe it. Either way, I think it's important enough to put first on this list. Why do I say this? Because I feel like I know far too many people my age who are freaking out about the prospect of getting older, and it makes me a little sad for them. With getting older comes wisdom ... but it doesn't mean you have to ACT on it. Just because I'm wiser than I was yesterday doesn't mean I'm less fun to go out with. I'm by no means encouraging acting immaturely all the time, but I think it's important to know when the time and place is to act like a kid, and then let yourself  be in the mind space of awe and wonder. And possibly (probably?) immaturity. ('cause I'm by no means saying there's ever anything wrong with a "that's what she said" joke ... just that there might be a wrong time or place. And for the people worrying about losing energy or physical ability, I know plenty of ladies and gentlemen who are playing volleyball against young kids like me well into their 60s and older. If you let yourself become stagnant, then, yeah, you will lose energy and physical stamina, but if you constantly look for activities that work with your changing body, then there shouldn't be a problem. Okay. Getting off my soap box now.

2. Play your strengths: I haven't put the story of how I got my internship up here (hah. I bet anyone who exclusively kept up with my life via this blog didn't even know I got an internship, but that's part of the reason I have been MIA here), but it has a little bit to do with playing to my strengths. In this case, almost literally. See, I met someone when I started playing volleyball down back near LMU, and it just so happened (though I didn't find out until much later) that he was a VFX Supervisor at Diesel FX in Venice. A weakness of mine is interviewing ... I have sort of a bad habit of defaulting to how I was brought up, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but almost means that I'm much more in line with the "children should be seen and not heard" mentality" around adults. Admittedly, not the best interview strategy. However, in the case of volleyball, I'm a loud-mouthed, opinionated, jumping around, hyper super-girl (okay, the last description is an exaggeration), and I'm much more comfortable with anyone that I meet there. So, in the sense that I was able to showcase my true personality, playing volleyball was the perfect vehicle for an internship interview -- I showed my positive attitude, my ability to work with a team, my outgoingness ... all that was left was to show him my reels to prove I was capable of working animation programs, and then I was able to acquire my internship. So, I learned to (literally) play to my strengths. If one form of meeting doesn't accurately portray who you are, find another way to showcase who you are -- in all aspects of life.

3. Don't give up: This one's an easy one to explain. The last two years since I graduated (yikes, it's exactly two years in like six days) have been so tough because I'm not doing what I want to be doing, and I've been stuck in some pretty hilariously dead-end jobs. But ... I did my best to persevere. I'm not saying there were nights that I couldn't sleep out of fear or worry, and that there weren't nights where I just cried and cried to my mom, and said I just couldn't do it anymore, but in the end, I did. And I'm by no means there yet, so I have to keep not giving up until I'm where I'm want to be. There have been extremely near misses recently, and then this internship, which only can give encouragement that if I stick to what I'm working towards, and keep working away, I'll get to where I'm supposed to be going, and that's hopefully where I'm supposed to be.

4. Cynicism is the easy way out: Not going to lie, I'm still struggling with this one. I haven't been able to fully vent my frustrations with a no-longer-recent almost-relationship from last year, but I vividly remember talking to my parents about it, and my dad saying that, while it didn't go the way I wanted it to, that I could hopefully learn something from it. To which I angrily responded that all that I could possibly have learned from the situation is to be guarded and put up walls because I'd been surprisingly forthcoming with the guy. My dad immediately disagreed, and the more I thought about it, the more I unequivocally knew he was right. It is the easy way out to be cynical and guarded and not believe that a guy is sincere in what he says; it is so much more difficult to get hurt over and over again but be open to new experiences and not put up walls. I like to think I'm down for challenges and not taking the easy way out, so I guess this is something I really need to work on. I'm most definitely still struggling a bit with this one, but it's one of those aha! moments that I had while 22, so I figured I'd throw this in there.

5. Be selfish for a quick minute and do what makes you happy (and then be your best for others): It sounds awful, but sometimes what other people want of you just isn't something that you can give to them at that time. If you're not in the right mindset to take care of yourself, how can you take care of others? So, I'm saying it. Be selfish. Take care of yourself. Make me time and don't let anyone try to talk you out of making sure you're going to be okay first. First rule of first aid is to make sure you're okay first during an emergency before you try to help other people.

6. Pray: So this one is one I'm a little ashamed to admit, but I'm not the best at praying. But for Lent, I decided to consistently pray, morning and night, and to read the daily gospel first thing, and whenever I got a chance to in the middle of the day, as a sort of ... grounding agent. And what happened? I ended Lent feeling much more grounded, much more ... surrounded by love. Yeah, I'm vague on the details because I'm not exactly sure how to explain it totally, but there was most definitely a sense of peace that I didn't have before.

7. There is no such thing as too much volleyball: Yeah ... I went from playing one day a week to playing three days a week. Thankfully I'm not tired all the time anymore! It's lovely to be as active as I get to be because I'm playing so much, and it's wonderful because it's a social sport, which means laughing, and movement, and lots and lots of trash talking :) FUN.

8. On the subject of physical activity, batting cages are a great way to get out pent-up aggression: So when we moved into our new apartment, E and I found out there's an kiddie park near us which includes three mini golf courses, a aging arcade, and BATTING CAGES. Those things are amazing. I mean, it's fun to spend some money on balls that I'm not really all that great at hitting, and even though I'm not great at making contact, the physical motion of swinging a metal bat at a fastball is strangely therapeutic. And a hell of a lot cheaper than paying for a real therapist.

9. Explore somewhere new when at all possible: Even if it's just around the corner! Again, in moving to Sherman Oaks, we moved into a great area with lots of young people and lots of stores and bars and fun places to explore ... which is what we didn't do when we lived in West LA, much to our chagrin when we found out there was a swanky rec center not half a mile away with fun things to do. So the first thing we did was wander around Sherman Oaks and find all the fun new things we could do! And lo and behold, delicious brunch, batting cages, and the awesome Urban Outfitters Surplus store. Wouldn't have known about any of them if we didn't just take that first step out the door.

10. Don't play at being someone you're not: There are places I will never fit in. There are people I will never gel with. But if there's one thing I've learned from watching the effort of my boss do everything in her power to make sure her kids "fit in" and that she's a super mom, it's that all the pretension is exhausting. It drains you until you can't be who you want to be because you're so busy being who everyone else thinks you are. Yeesh. That sentence was enough for me to get tired just worrying if that's circular logic. I hope it's not.I figure that I think about it in the long term -- if you tell someone you are Person A, and tell them more than once, you will forever be Persona A to them unless you want to break their faith in you, and even if you feel that Person B is who you actually are.

11. Keep in touch with those you love: In this day and age, it would seem easy to keep in touch with people ... there's facebook, twitter, texting, email, skype, vine, instagram, snapchat, and despite it all, never enough time. I'll be the first to say that keeping in touch shouldn't be hard anymore, but life moves along so quickly that, despite all the things that could make communication easier, it's hard to keep up with someone you care about unless you make that conscientious effort to communicate. For me, there's nothing harder than staying in touch with someone who's nowhere near you, but the joy of having them emotionally close makes it worth it. Find the method of keeping up that works for the people you love. I wrote letters to one of my best friends for almost a full year. My mom and I have a standing phone call date every Monday night after volleyball. I spam my friends' walls with Doctor Who stuff when at all possible. It can be little, but the overall idea that you're keeping them in mind still counts for something.

12. Call your mother: Mom's gonna be happy about this one. I'm pretty abysmal at keeping in contact with my parents sometimes, but my elongated conversations with my Mother after volleyball these past few months have been a wonderful time of laughter, arguing, catching up, and just being with my parents even if I can't be with them physically. SO CALL. YOUR. MOTHER.

13. Never trust the hot guy: Thanks Agent Ward :[ ... Haha jk, but, really, never judge a book by its cover. The story inside is by far more interesting than the one shown to the world. And I think the nudge to make sure not to overlook the not-as-attractive guy for the hot guy is one all of us humans (myself included, if not especially) needs to remember more often.

14. Be unabashedly open about the things you love: Matt Smith of Doctor Who fame has many-a-time said that the world needs to be a bit more like Comic Con because it's a coming together of people who are just genuinely excited to be celebrating the things they love with other people. It's nerd heaven, essentially, and everyone there knows that everyone else there is there because they feel passionately about something that has touched them in some way. I figure that if we let other people tell us that caring about the things we care about makes us somehow ... less, then they win. They defeat us because they are taking away our love, which, in my opinion, is the single strongest emotion that a person can have, and something no one (other than ourselves) should be able to do to ourselves. Besides, unabashed openness and love shows passion. And passion is sexy. Just putting that one out there.

15. Try new things: Yeah, this is one of those bland generic ones, but this year, I started attempting to sew a dress. Entirely by hand. As in, without a sewing machine. It's a relatively simple dress, but I've never made a dress before, so this is a completely new experience, and it could fall flat very easily. So, I guess it's not about trying new things, and it's not really about trying to challenge myself. It's ... about not letting potential adversity stop you from doing something you want to try to do. I like to think it's a brand of feminism to grab hold of what I want to do and just do it, even if it is something like making clothing. But at the very least, when the zombie apocalypse hits, I'll be the one who can mend shirts and make things, so hopefully that means I won't be walking around with holes in my clothes, and I'll be able to stay warm in the sub-zero temperatures I will inevitably flee towards.

16. Go deep sea fishing: Or in layman's terms (for those of you who get seasick), plan a mini vacation. Maybe it's because I'm not a great fisherwoman, but I look forward to deep sea fishing as something that clears the soul, and offers a lot of phone-free time to hang out and chat. It's relaxing. There's a lot of waiting, and you're - for the most part - out of cell reception, so it's just a time to hang out and be present to whomever you're with. And there's always a possibility that you'll catch your dinner, which is never a bad thing.

17. Make resolutions that you actually mean to keep: It's kind of funny this is one of those things I learned during the last year, but I think there's something to be said about thinking deeply about the resolutions you make at New Year's and really contemplating if it's something that is attainable or doable in the next year. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I make resolutions that are so big that I don't know where to start, which means, at least for me, I never get started because I am far too intimidated by the bigness of the project to do anything about it. Cure for that: stretch a big-resolution project over multiple years. If you get on a roll and finish it in less time, that's fantastic, but for the weeks and months that are super congested, it won't be as bad in the long run. Also, when it comes to big projects, break it down and resolve to have Part A done by the end of this year. Then at the end of that year, resolve to get Part B done, etc. etc. And on the flip side of the situation, if your resolution is planned out and doable, putting it down in words, keeping it at the forefront of your mind because it is a resolution is actually a great motivator.

18. I am worthy of someone who takes me as I am: I am a big fan of personal growth. But I'm also very much of the idea that personal growth is just that -- personal. An outside force can't be the reason you decide to change (for the better or otherwise), or else there'll always be the possibility that they will leave your life in someway and you will regress. I'm also not into the idea of "saving" someone. To me, that screams co-dependent relationship, not healthy relationship. Maybe I'm just looking at this through the wrong lens, but if a guy doesn't accept me and wants me to change to make him happy, he's not looking for me; he's not looking for the "better" version of me. Problem! The "better" version of me is someone I'm not yet, so he may as well date another girl, because who I am in a year will more than likely be a completely different girl than who I am now, but I'd rather be with someone who is happy that the change happens within myself, and doesn't force it upon me because his ideal version of me doesn't match up to who I am now.

19. There is never, EVER a good reason for abuse. Ever: This one's a bit of a funny one (situationally, not haha that's so funny kind of funny). The idea of abuse is still a relatively foreign concept to me; I just got a lot closer to it this year than I have in the past, which is kind of funny considering I volunteered at a battered women's shelter for three years at LMU. I witnessed how abuse can tear down a child, tear down a family, and it didn't hit home to me until I actually knew someone teetering on the edge of a potentially abusive relationship. But it just made me know, know without a hint of doubt in my mind, that any excuse or reasoning or what have you that a person gives to his/her significant other for hurting them is a feeble attempt at control. The disconnect between the idea of something and facing that something is enormous, and for that reason, I'm glad that this is a lesson that was actually set in front of me this past year, and not just something I dealt with on a ... well, I hate to put it this way, but on a removed, academic level. 

20. There are very few things in life more satisfying than a good pair of boots: Haha I had to stick this one in because my ginormous calves are always giving me issues. They're the reason I can't buy riding boots, or mid-calf boots, despite how much I want to (Dammit shoe companies!) So I'm not going to lie, it was a bit of a coup when I saw a pair of boots I liked, and I put them on, and they fit. Sometimes it's the little things that make a good day. :)

21. Make art, not war: When I'm at war with myself, I make art. Art isn't something that can be half-assed; you have to throw yourself into it. In that sense it's a therapeutic, almost ... aggressive thing. Pent up aggression is released, but something beautiful is created from the chaos. To me, art is about bringing the chaos under control, at least for a little while.

And finally ...

22. Nothing is better than a good long night of country line dancing: Need I say more? :)

PHEW! That was a marathon of a post. Not going to lie, it's 1:30AM, and I may or may not be a little delirious. Thanks for reading to the end. Hope some of my ramblings make sense and possibly offer a tad bit of insight if anyone out there is struggling more than necessary.

Will post more soon!

--Tiffany