The Part About the Bikini Body

I hate the beach
Because the beach in summer means:
Bikinis and board shorts and never feeling
Good enough.
My stomach isn't flat like that other girl's.
Her legs are better than mine.
Man, it's only May and she's already got a better tan than me.

God, why did I even come here in the first palce?

I hate the beach
Because the beach in summer means:
My body is no longer my own.
It's not just that I don't like boys gawking at me;
What makes it bad is the girls.
I see them judging me.
What's worse is I see them judging
Themselves.

God, I wished they'd all just stop staring.

I hate the beach
Because the beach in summer means:
Whispers in every directions.
Ohmygod, she's got to be, like, anorexic to be that skinny.
Oh man, that girl's a whale.
Are they saying that about me too?
Why am I even saying these awful things?

I came because I wanted some sun and fun.

I hate the beach
Because the beach in summer means:
Feeling guilty for the serving of Animal Style Fries.
Whoops there's the pudge.
And now the poking and prodding and pulling
At the skin around my waist.
I think I'm getting fat.

I really shouldn't have eaten dinner last night, even though I hadn't eaten all day.

I hate the beach
Because the beach in summer means:
There's no time to love myself as I am.
I probably should be working out
To make sure I look good for the summer sun.
I think I'll skip even the salad tonight.
I'll be all right.

That'll keep the extra calories off.

I hate the beach
Because I hate the goddamn bikini body.
This summer's too hot for me to care.
I'm tired and hungry, and I want my life back.
I want to eat that cheeseburger
My bikini body is saying is a bad idea.
It's a fight to say yes, when the beach is saying no.

But yes I'll say because my body's my own.

--Tiffany