The Part About Reality and Porn

Edit: written 12:15AM-2:00AM, edited 10:00-11:00AM, posted 3:00PM.

I just got out of the movies with my friend from the house I lived in last summer, and even though it's currently 12:15 AM, and I should probably be asleep, I'm not ... because I'm here writing about how fantastically fantastic the movie was. We saw the new Joseph Gordon-Levitt (JGL, for future reference) movie "Don Jon". Now, my ex-roommate and I, we love us some JGL. We've seen all his recent movies together (except for Lincoln), we constantly are sending random articles or videos about him to each other, and we can carry a good thirty minute conversation (or longer) about how cool of a guy he seems and how we'd legitimately want to hang out with the dude (no seriously, ask our male ex-housemates. They were not having it last summer. Hahah!). So, basically, this movie was right up our alley.

And then he surprised us all by creating a movie that was not only well-packaged and creative, but was also a thoughtful and most definitely self-aware commentary on society, which is always the best movie to watch.

I've been keeping an eye on the social media circuit for this film for probably about a year now. JGL likes to promote stuff through his twitter and through hitRECord, as well as the traditional trailer released in theaters and on TV, so I've known what's been out and about for this movie for quite sometime. I've also broken my sort-of rule of choosing not to know anything about films before viewing them in an effort to somewhat keep the element of surprise available to me because I'm pretty good at guessing where the plot of a movie is going to go based on initial trailers. 

Instead, I read many an article about the film, watched interviews where JGL spoke about what the film is supposed to be a commentary on, and looked up as many reviews as possible before seeing the movie. Pretty much everything I normally don't do, but everything I found just encouraged me to see the film. Basically, if you don't know the general premise, "Don Jon" is about a porn-addicted New Jerseyian who meets the girl of his dreams, who happens to love, love, love romantic movies ... and then has to navigate the waters of a real relationship when all he is used to are one night stands and the overly-sexualized girls that he is used to "taking advantage of" via internet porn. Whether he is successful or not ... you'll just have to watch the movie (or, I guess, read past the part where I say SPOILERS! because part of this little blurb might give away the ending. Sorta.)

Now, as a self-proclaimed feminist, I'm most definitely usually the one rooting for the bull-headed new beauty to be able to transform JGL's Jon, convince him to ditch the porn, be with his new girl forever and ever, and have a great character arc where he becomes the perfect boyfriend and dotes on his new love's every need. Well, I mean she's a strong, independent woman ... so he's totally going to see it her way. Girl power, baby! Um ... Sorry to burst any bubbles, but that is definitely not where this film goes (is anyone surprised?).

No, instead, the film is an unabashed commentary on the unrealistic things that the movie industry (porn or otherwise) likes to feed to its consumers. I'm not going to get into the psychology of it; there are people who do it way better than me here. (but really, check out the article, it's really interesting).

It's a film that creates room for disagreement, debate, and discussion because it shows both sides of the argument. Girls get pissed that their boyfriends watch porn; boys get pissed their girlfriends expect them to act like Prince Charming characters in the movies. Because the film is unafraid of the subject (and, oh what a touchy subject it is), it comes out as entertaining, funny, and most definitely intelligent, which I'm going to guess probably isn't the norm for films with or about porn.

HALF-SPOILERS! from here on out, though I will be vague, and I won't be giving away the very end of the movie. Will say SPOILERS! again if anything gets really spoiler-y.

JGL's character, when we first meet him, is a stereotypical club macho-man (you ladies know what I'm talking about). He is a guy so far set in his ways that it looks impossible for him to find a way to change for a girl. He likes his one night stands, pornos, and, honestly ... not much else. When he meets Barbara (played by the lovely Scarlett Johannson), we watch as he makes superficial changes to his life for her. He does what she asks him to, which includes the stereotypical "meet the friends", the not-so-stereotypical "meet the family", starts going to classes, etc. In the little things, it seems like she is asking him to make changes for the better, which he does gladly, but only because of one glaring caveat: during their initial encounter, she refused to go home with him, and while they're dating, she refuses to have sex with him before he does the aforementioned things. 

Now, hold the phone! She's just trying to help him be better in life ... surely, there can't be anything wrong with that. Well that's the thing, there isn't anything wrong with wanting to encourage your significant other, but throughout the beginning part of the movie, she is literally dangling her sexuality over his head to make him change into what she wants. From that sentence alone, it is obvious she has committed two GIANT relationship faux pas. 

Firstly, her demands force Jon to change ... In essence, she is saying he is not good enough. He has to be better.  On the other hand, she won't budge an inch to be what he wants her to be (even if, disgustingly enough, it is essentially a sex toy with real breasts and a pulse), and expects him to do all the work to make the relationship last (not just in the sexual sense). In terms of his lifestyle, while he definitely isn't making millions, he seems generally content, if not happy with his current living situation. He's got a job, his own place, and expendable cash ... If that's how he chooses to live his life, then she has no right to be demanding that he "do something more". Her expectations, clearly brought on by a steady diet of romantic movies, have created a scenario where no normal guy will ever be good enough, romantic enough, or perfect enough for her.

Secondly, by holding her sexuality hostage to instigate change, she thinks she is doing the right thing because she is the impetus for Jon's self-betterment, but in actuality, she has just encouraged his dysfunctional view of women as sex objects. She eventually does the deed with Jon, after he fulfills all of her requirements, thus reinforcing his worldview that her vagina is a prize to be won ... In essence, she has debased herself, pretty much to the level of the girls that Jon watches on the internet. Her sexuality has become an object of Jon's self-gratification for doing something right ... he still doesn't see her as a person, but as a thing to be owned (in fact, Jon actually refers to Barbara as "the most beautiful thing I've ever seen" many, many times in the movie. It rankled me quite a bit, and I'm sure it's there for good reason: to point out his objectifying ways).

But it's a two-way street. A girl who only acts like a sex object will continue to be viewed as such by boys who don't know any better. The film firmly grasps the idea that, yes, porn is a problem, but so is the fact that girls are letting themselves be used in a similar fashion as sex objects anyways! Yes, boys should be taught not the view girls like that, but it's up to the culture to also teach girls that is even less okay to act in a pornographic fashion, view themselves that way, and let boys do think of them solely in that way.

Food for thought yeah?

It also struck me as interesting, though I guess it shouldn't be surprising (since this movie is most definitely from a guy's point of view), that Jon has the extensive character arc. When you compare Jon to JGL's last romantic-type movie, "(500) Days of Summer", JGL's Tom has very little character development. He kind of has, like, an inverted bell curve of romantic development. He pretty much ends where he starts off after a lot of breaky heart achy stuff, while Zooey Deschanel's Summer does the majority of changing throughout the film, and because of our point-of-view being Tom's, we don't see her development other than just being one pivotal moment where her world view of romance dramatically changes. 

But in "Don Jon", it's truly a slow creeping change, like what would happen realistically. As an audience member, at the end, I just thought to myself: "Wow, yeah, he's changed so much, but I can't really say exactly when or how it started." I mean, if you watch the movie, you might say otherwise, you might that there is one specific moment (I can think of it), but instead of pushing the idea that it was that specific moment that initiated Jon's change, we, as audience members, have been slowly introduced to other facets of Jon's life that are causing him unease. While there sort of is a "I'm going to change" scene, there is also ample foundation to make the change that he goes through believable. Therefore, the "moment" isn't definitive, like there usually is in romantic movies (i.e. Justin Long in "He's Just Not That Into You" having the aha! moment about, ironically, actually figuring out that he is "into" Ginnifer Goodwin). Instead, it was a build-up of things, the way it is in real life, that contributed to Jon's change of character by the end of the film. 

I also really enjoyed the fact that "Don Jon" addresses the double-edged sword of continuously viewing porn: while Jon doesn't outright admit that his viewing of pornographic videos has created a mindset that it is okay to objectify women, his actions speak as loudly as his words ever would. He and his friends only talk about women on the classic 1-10 scale and usually never even bother to learn their names. And, as I've pointed out before, women are classified as beautiful "things" to them, not people. Secondly, Jon eventually admits that even being with a real life "dime" (a Ten) doesn't give him the satisfaction that watching porn does. While he does actually say this out loud at one point in the movie, it is also evident in the fact that after the first time he and Barbara (his Ten) have intercourse, he still is unsatisfied and has to watch porn before he feel satisfied.

These two things are the main issues that anti-pornography people bring up whenever the get on their high horses to fight porn. And the movie doesn't shy away from the fact that it has been documented that these are byproducts of watching porn repeatedly; instead, it offers up the possibility that self-awareness can lead to breaking the addiction and finally being part of a healthy two-way relationship.

(OH! REAL SPOILERS AHEAD!)

But I think the best part of the film was Barbara's story. As I mentioned before, she doesn't have a character arc ... like, at all. During their relationship, she starts making comments about this and that, wanting Jon to change so that he will be the perfect man she envisions. Surprise! He doesn't take it well, and is quickly disillusioned with their relationship. When they break up, Jon isn't happy, but (sort of) moves on. But by the end of the film, when Jon has been introduced to a new worldview that doesn't involve pornographic sexuality, he calls to see her for coffee, they meet, she kind of yells at him, and she most definitely walks away thinking that she has "won" the break up.

She is still demanding, she still expects him to change far too much for her without doing the same for him, and she still thinks he isn't good enough for her.

Now, I'm painting this girl to be a bitch, but that's just it: she's not. The best part about the film is that, even as a guy's point-of-view movie, JGL created a female character that is relatable, understandable, and actually not crazy, unlike most film ex-girlfriends. People usually walk away from movies hating the "ex" characters because they have shown themselves to be unworthy of romantic relationships and usually are portrayed as generally bad people. But her concerns about the relationship were legitimate and it was obvious that she was invested in the relationship ... just not in the way that Jon was. She doesn't end up being a better person, but even that is still realistic in its portrayal. She just hasn't encountered something as pivotal as Jon's meeting Esther to shift her worldview in a significant way that will make her think about the movies she watches and why real life love doesn't equate to its onscreen portrayal. But sometimes that's just how it happens ... both sides had extremely varied views on what the relationship should have been, but just because they broke up doesn't mean that either of them is wrong. It just meant that they weren't right together. Ah, yes, sweet reality.

(ALL RIGHT, ALL THE SPOILERS ARE DONE.)

I think this movie has created an authentic view of relationships and relationship-type things today. It's a film that reminds us that sometimes we need to take a step back and think about whether what we are doing is truthful to the ones we care most about; it's a reminder to be open, and, surprisingly enough, it is a movie about true love in the end. It's nowhere near traditional true love ... some people might not even consider it true love at all, but it is a film about love in the truest sense of the word and in an applicable real world setting. In the end, it reinforces the idea that true love is transformative love, not in the shallow sense where you're just doing things to make your significant other happy, but in the mature sense of being present, trusting, supportive, and most of all vulnerable.

So, all in all, Joseph Gordon-Levitt has created a truly hilarious and poignant film about navigating the roads of love and relationships, platonic, romantic, and even familial! He has created characters that are true to life and situations that are definitely authentic. There is no grand declaration of love at the end, the characters do not necessarily get the happy ending that they thought they wanted, but they all end up where they should be, and the film is fulfilling nonetheless in its honesty, vulnerability, and in the message it chooses to portray.

--Tiffany

P.S. Just a warning to anyone who wants to watch this movie after this fantastic review of it, it is an R-rated film ... there are semi-explicit images throughout and carefully shot supposed-to-be-porn-on-the-internet clips. You have been warned.