Words cannot describe what I'm feeling right now. I've been mulling over words all day; what to say, who to call, how to feel. There is nothing but shock for me right now.
Work, for me, started at 11 AM today. I wasn't really aware of the date: that it was April 15th, tax day, the Boston Marathon. One of my cousins who I visited while on the East Coast joined a group of her coworkers to run it this year. It was her first marathon ever! She was so excited, posting about it on Facebook constantly, asking for people to donate, as she was raising money for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. When we saw each other in Boston last month, it was all she could talk about.
I worked until about 1:30, and then my boss had to go out, so I was on the computer doing research. I pulled out my phone to check for messages, and saw a few tweets about something going on in Boston, at the Boston Marathon. I think my heart stopped in that instant.
I didn't know what to do; who would know if my cousin was all right? I called my mom. I called my mom's work place. ... I called my mom again. Why wasn't she picking up!? This is important! Alone in front of that computer, there were a few moments where I didn't know if she was alive or dead or injured or okay, and all I could think about is how I had talked to her just last month! This couldn't be happening. That side of the family is a lot closer in age to me and my brother, so we had been relatively close growing up. I can't say we were best friends or anything, but I definitely can't say that I've ever even imagined a world where she, or any of my cousins/sibling, just ... isn't.
After calming down from my mini-panic attack, I smartened up and checked Facebook, and she had been in contact with her sister who had posted that she was all right. Relief has never felt so sweet.
I texted my other East Coast friends, one of whom is actually in Boston, doing a year of service. Since she works at an elementary school -- and it's a Monday -- I assumed she would have been at work. She's probably fine, I said to myself, I'm just checking up on her because I know she's there and it affects her directly. My cousin's all right, so my friend has to be fine.
What she sent back was far worse than I could have imagined. Physically, she was all right, but she had decided to go watch the Marathon and cheer on the runners. I don't know where she was, if she was near the blasts, or across the street, or farther away, but I did find out that the blasts were on the same street as a restaurant she took me to on my first night in Boston. It's one of her favorites. It's a place she knows well and enjoys hanging out at. It's a place of happiness and good memories for her, and for me.
But that's what terrorism, in the broadest sense of the word, tries to do, isn't it? Take something happy, and good, and turn it into something to be feared.
And in the process, they killed people, maimed others, and injured dozens more.
The youngest dead, at this hour, is an eight year old boy.
So ... I have just one question to whoever did this: WHY?
It comes down to this, sir or madam: you killed an eight year old. He had his whole life ahead of him. He was, what?? God, a third grader! You murdered an eight year old.
Ugh! I don't want to write about it like this; I don't want what to come from me, after this tragedy, to be anger or hate. There's obviously enough of that out there for someone to do this sort of thing. I don't want to trivialize those who have died by spewing anger at whoever did this.
I want to remember those who have been hurt, those who have died, with dignity, with more dignity than whoever did this will ever know.
Tonight, I want peace. I want peace for the mother who lost her baby today. I want peace for my friend who will never be able to un-see what she saw today. I want peace for my cousin who worked so hard to complete this marathon, but couldn't. I want peace for all those who have been injured.
But most of all, I think I want peace for whoever did this, because ... whoever you are, there's got to be so much hatred inside you, so much anger, that compelled you do this, that it's got to be hard to move or think or be. So, I want you to know peace, to know the calm that comes when there isn't any anger or hatred.
Tonight, I want peace for everyone.
--Tiffany
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